Clean & Classy Potty Humor. Pee Happy!

  • 2 Blokes (Japanese and American) are playing golf. The Japanese guy is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb. American bloke says: "What you doin?". "Oh, don't worry, with Microtechnology I have a Microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message." The 2 men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the American man makes a funny sound, that amazingly sounds like a fart. The Japanese man looks over at him. 'Oh,' says the American. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax."
  • Question: What would you call the definition of surprise?
         Answer: A fart with a lump in it.
  • You know, one time I farted so badly that I had to spend 15 years in jail....for air pollution.
  • Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely pooped my pants then..." 
  • Confucius say, Man who drop watch in toilet have crappy time. 
  • A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tommorrow. But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke. The wife, understandably, is angry as heck, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out." The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, Hubbie falls asleep. The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened. "What happened?" asked his wife. "Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out." "What did you do?" asked his wife. "Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"  
  • A Belch is just one gust of wind, That cometh from thy Heart... But should it take the downward trend, It turns into a Fart  
  • Hi, you're through to the Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please? 
  • Why do farts stink? So that deaf people can enjoy them also! 
  • A bloke is taking a piss down a lane when a Copper spots him. "Oi Guvnor, you cant do that here!!! It'll cost you a 45 quid fine." The bloke gives him a 50 quid note and the Cop says: "But I haven't any change" "No worries, you can keep it," says the bloke..."cos I dropped a couple of farts as well...."
  • How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? If she farts, her ankles swell. 
  • What is Green and Smelly? - The Hulk's farts... 
  • Did you hear about the constipated Wheel of Fortune player? He wanted to buy a bowel.
  • Toilet paper: What a rip off.
  • Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget.
  • What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? Winnie the Pooh.
  • What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet? The Captain's log.

  • How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? Who knows - It's never been done.
  • What do toilets and anniversaries have in common? Men ALWAYS miss them.
  • Did you hear the joke about the toilet? Never mind, it’s too dirty.
  • What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
  • Why was Tigger in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.
  • Check out our complete list of: The Funniest Toilet Jokes Ever Told 
  • What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ? 
    After a week he was spotless !
  • How do you know that there's a monster in your 
    bath? 
    You can't get the shower curtain closed.
  • Which birds steal soap from the bath ? 
    Robber ducks !
  • What animal do you look like when you get into 
    the bath ? 
    A little bear !
  • What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
    shampoodle !
  • What do you call the ring that worms leave round the bath ?
    The scum of the earth !
  • Why did the robber take a bath?
    So he could make a clean getaway. 
  • What criminal doesn't take baths?
    A dirty crook.
  • Where does a vampire take a bath?
    In the bat-room (bathroom).
  • When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath, what 
    is still dirty?
    The bathtub.
  • What kind of bath can you take without 
    water?
    A sun bath.
  • A man walked into a lodge in Yellowstone National Park. 'Can you give me a room and bath?' he asked the clerk.
    'I can give you a room,' the clerk said. 'But you'll have to take the bath by yourself!'
  • Ned: Boy! Was I ever in hot water last night !
    Ed: You were? What did you do ?
    Ned: I took a bath !
  • May: What position does your brother play in the school football team ?
    Jay: I think he's one of the drawbacks!
  • Stan: I won 92 
    goldfish.
    Fred: Where are 
    you going to keep them?
    Stan: In the bathroom
    Fred: But what will 
    you do when you want to take a bath?
    Stan: Blindfold them!
  • What's the difference between a peeping Tom and someone who's just got out of the bath?
    One is rude and nosey. The other is nude and rosey!
  • Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big 
    Boss to steal a van 
    load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One 
    stayed in the van as look 
    out and the other went into the storeroom. 
    Fifteen minutes went by, 
    then half an hour, then an hour, and no 
    sign of him. The look out finally 
    grew impatient and went to look for 
    his partner. Inside the store the 
    two came face to face. "Where 
    have you been?" demanded the worried 
    look out. "The boss told me to 
    take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap 
    and a towel."
  • My mother says I look just like an animal when I'm in the bath - a little bear.
  • Are you going to take a bath? 
    No, I'm leaving it where it is.
  • Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I use soap and water, personally.
  • Adam: How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath? 
    Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel, wet the soap and flood the bathroom.
  • Why did the bank robber take a bath? 
    So he could make a clean getaway.
  • Doctor: The best time to take a bath is before retiring. 
    Patient: You mean I don't need another bath until I'm sixty-five?
  • Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I suggest you take a cold 
    bath every morning. 
    Patient: Oh, but I do, doctor. 
    Doctor: You do? 
    Patient: Yes, every morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with nice hot water!
  • Does your brother keep himself clean? 
    Oh, yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not.
  • Mom: Joe, time for your medicine. 
    Joe: I'll run the bath then.
    Mom: Why? 
    Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water."
  • Did you hear about the idiot who had a new bath put in? 
    The plumber said, "Would you like a plug for it?" 
    The idiot replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric."
  • Dr Frankenstein: 
    I've just invented something that everyone in the world will want! You 
    know how you get a nasty ring around the bathtub every time you use it, and you have to clean the ring off? 
    Igor: Yes, I hate it. 
    Dr Frankenstein: Well, you need never have a bathtub ring again! I've 
    invented the square tub . . .
  • Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. 
    Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.
  • The plumber was working in a house when the lady of the house said to him, "Will it be alright if I have a bath while you're having your lunch?"
    "It's okay with me lady," said the plumber, "as long as you don't splash my sandwiches."
  • Doctor: And did you drink your medicine after your 
    bath, Mrs Soap? 
    Mrs Soap: No, doctor. By the time I'd drunk the 
    bath there wasn't room for medicine.
  • Boy: Dad, dad, there's a spider in the bath. 
    Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before. 
    Boy: Yes, but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot 
    water!

Thanks for reading our clean appropriate Bathroom, potty and toilet Jokes. Have a great day!

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